By popular request.....

Saturday, 12 April 2008

By popular request.....
Transcript of the imaginary speech given by Mayor Harrison to the members of the North Tyneside Council Tax Payers Terminus Club on the 1st January 2008…..
Is the microphone on?. Testing, testing. Ladies and gentlemen …can you hear me at the back?. Right, let me first thank you for inviting me along today, on this the first day of 2008. I get a lot of invitations to functions as Mayor, and this is my first of this year. That is speech, and of course the fine spread the club has laid on, so it’s my firstfree meal of the year (laughs). When I was elected in May 2005, many unkindly referred to me as a second choice Mayor, but I would like to state that I have never offered the residents a second choice. One of the first things I did when taking over from Mayor Linda was to look at the finances, and I was shocked. There it was, a financial ‘black hole’. So in the interests of the long-term stability of the CouncilI had to take swift action. It was clear there was no provision for the extra press officers, secretaries and policy advisors I had to hire. Not to mention the transition officers I had to employ to help the policy advisors.Lately, after the recent Mori poll showed that the satisfaction and approval rating by the residents in the Council had dropped from 75% under Mayor Linda to 46% under my administration, more firm action was required. My cabinet and I wasted no time in employing the services of a reputable advertising and marketing company, who conducted a survey into the work of my secretaries, press officers, policy advisors and transition officers, and how they are working closer with the communities. Well, Mayor Linda missed this one as well. The result of the consultation by our strategic partner – that’s what we call them – it was not the services the council is providing, it was ‘communications’. So we have hired a Head of Communications, and have given him a budget. As you can see, the financial ‘black hole’ I spotted when I took over was a lot bigger than I thought.Now, none of this comes cheap, and financial ‘black holes’ have to be paid for. So again, tough decisions have had to be made. Mayor Linda’s fully costed plans for the regeneration of the coast were not fully costed at all, it was clear as day, -no communications. Well it was a shock, but the decision had to be made to move into rented accommodation, not rubbish mind you, it’s going to cost £3.4 million a year in rent; it’s all to do with ‘image’ our strategic partner told us. So with the old town hall and other buildings surplus to requirements, and with a more modest regeneration of the coast, we should be able to plug financial ‘black hole’ Mayor Linda left us.What is this about ‘transition’ I hear many say, but again it’s that financial ‘black hole. We needed to make ‘efficiency savings’ and that had to be about reducing Council staff numbers. So we needed to employ the extra press officers, secretaries, policy advisors and transition officers to identify those we had to let go.Our new strategic partner, that’s the advertising and marketing firm, after the Mori poll results, told us that it was clear that the residents were not getting the message.One of the recommendations from the ad people was that, and let me read it to you, is that we must “Develop new ways of communicating with the audience using digital media.”. So after my speech I would be grateful if one of the audience here today can take my picture with this very nice digital camera I got for Christmas. It’s for the newspapers.(Mayor Harrison’s mobile phone rings, he takes short call, then continues)To close, I regret to say that I cannot take questions from the floor as my policy advisor was unable to come here tonight due to a subsequent engagement. So I would like to thank the Chair and committee for inviting me here, and I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a prosperous and merry new year. Goodnight.Note: Transcript by: Miss Rose Fort-Pop, reporter from the Waged Air Nuns weekly.(This is a spoof report)